Saturday, March 14, 2009

Paragraphs are Great...

Unless you're Mr. Plaschke in this article about Andruw Jones:
"Are you saying you're sorry?"

For being below replacement level in '08 in under half a season? I'm sure Andruw does. If not, he needs a lesson in humility.
Later this day at Surprise Stadium, he will stroke through a fastball from new Dodger Claudio Vargas, driving it off the left-field bullpen roof for his first home run of the spring.

A nasty bite of the hand that still feeds him $22 million.

This is spring training right? The monetary loss hurts, no doubt. Even so, I highly doubt the McCourts are going to rue that home run.
"Are you saying you're sorry?"

He's not hard of hearing, Plaschke!
Are you sorry for showing up at spring training looking like a blue manatee? Sorry for not working hard enough to fix that weight? Sorry for ripping the fans who booed you for that weight? Sorry for asking to be put on the disabled list so you could disappear from those boos?

Unless I've heard otherwise, he did have a legitimate knee injury. The extra weight didn't help but let's not create phantom injuries. Did you even ask all that?
The first thing you notice about Andruw Jones this spring is the one thing you don't notice.

No belly.

Did that really need to be its own sentence? Heck, that's not even a sentence. I appreciate that you reporters get to do stuff most bloggers are unable/unwilling to do but let's not take that for granted. ;)
"Oh, I lost quite a few pounds," he says. "Somewhere in the 20s."

I need your diet plan, Mr. Jones. Tell me the secret!
Now he loses the weight. Now he hits the home run. Now he is being paid $500,000 plus incentives, the deal of the year if he performs. Wonderful.

You act shocked. Why? Humiliation will do that to people.
He had been the centerpiece winter signing, a slugger who could play a Gold Glove center field and swing a World Series bat, and I even wrote he was a bargain.

I admire the symbolism but what in the world is a "World Series bat"? In theory, if a team makes the World Series, the hitters, no matter how bad, will have a "World Series bat."

Oh, you mean this? Perhaps I underestimated you, Bill. Maybe I should not be so hard on you.
Although he has denied using performance-enhancing drugs, his weight gain and power decrease are classic symptoms of steroid users who suddenly stop.

Oh, never mind. When did weight gain become a "classic symptom"? Weakness, sure. As much as I disagree with his stance on PEDs and the Hall, at least Tom Verducci looks as though he has done some decent research. Where are you?
In his first plate appearance, in a matchup straight from Colletti's worst nightmares, in a duel that represented potentially 83 million lost Dodgers dollars, Jones faced a guy named Jason Schmidt.

Who struck him out looking[sic]

Apology accepted.

I got to use a sic! If this was improper, just notify me.

Somewhere, Rook is undecided who raises his ire more: Plaschke, Andruw, or me.

1 comment:

Rook said...

Even if the Dodgers had waisted $100 million on Jones, my ire would still be greater for that penis-eating Plaschke.