Well. . . that was "exciting."

At this point in time, I'm unsure of how many readers we have. Probably about two, including those of us who write for this blog. But for you imaginary readers too young to remember, the Dream Team was an awesome thing. I was just old enough then to appreciate the awesomeness of an all-MJ backcourt ripping through the rest of the world and staking dominant claim to playing the best basketball in the world.

Perhaps coincidently and perhaps not, as our international performance has waned so has my interest in the NBA. Where once I was a passionate Lakers fan (bandwagon, I admit), now the Association is just where my favorite college players go to die.

So I've barely been interested in this year's Redeem Team. This morning, I woke up and turned on the Rangers game (I think I'm safe from being a bandwagon fan here), unaware the re-air of the US's domination of China was going on. Suddenly, I flipped over and found LeBron James nuking the giant Chinese front court in a game that appeared to be roughly eleventy billion to negative three.

My thoughts on our Olympic basketball team then became something like this:




These guys seem to be ready to be together as a team ready to squash all comers. No one can expect '92 again, but maybe '96? Maybe? We haven't had the moments of comaraderie the old Dream Team did yet, but this could be something to be excited about and get behind again. Something this child of the 90s hasn't had in international basketball in a long time.


Of course, shortly after I was thinking about that, this whole brothel thing came up. . .


I guess that's comrarderie. Maybe.

I ... don't know how to sing to that.

Michael Phelps won the 400IM on Day One of the XXIXth Olympiad. Yeah, that's right, the Olympics are happening again and Phelps is smashing more world records. Who's surprised?

I was hoping I'd get to recite my favorite quote ("America goes one-two yet again!"), but Lochte fails at life (not really) and got third, letting that bald Hungarian dude improve upon his bronze in 2004.

Whatever, there's still two Americans on the medal stand and Phelps is chatting with Lochte through the entire ceremony, smiling that goofy smile and making me really nervous, being someone who wants things to go exactly right and with the utmost decorum during such important moments as these.

Finally everyone's all settled and Lochte and Phelps get their hands over their hearts and then ... the Star-Spangled Banner is playing, but ... part of the beginning is cut off? And then they add another verse in there? And then right when we're all ready to sing, "...and the hooooooooome of theeeeeeeeee BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVE!" it CUTS OFF. Phelps laughs a little, but I see that bafflement in your eyes, kid! I see it!

Normally, I'm talking all through the primetime coverage. I say what the commentators say before they say it, I tell whoever's watching with me about Roman Sludnov breaking a minute in the 100 breast before anyone else, I comment on Sasha Artemev's lines before Elfi opens her big mouth, but quoting Elfi from 4 years ago during Hiroyuki Tomita's stunning high bar routine? "I'm speechless." Except back then, it was because she'd never seen anything so good.

Right now, it's because I've never heard anything so ... wrong. It's the Olympics. Those kind of mistakes shouldn't be happening.

So while the rest of the world is marveling over how AMAZING Beijing has done so far, I will continue to point out and tally everything they're doing wrong. I'm also counting how many times Elfi mentions Sasha's "lines," but that's another story for another time.

Everyone's Favorite LA Writer Baits Obvious Jokes

And he likes it.




Bill, Bill, Billy, Bill Bill Bill Bill. You're asking for it with this, you know that? I don't know whether to admire you (I don't know if that's possible) or puke.

There's just too much to say about this. I'm finding it very hard not to stoop the level. I know you've got the jokes filling your head, and I'm not going to post them here.







. . . so you should post them in the comments.

Quazi "White Shoes" Moto

It's finally over. Brett Favre is now a member of the New York Jets. The awkward, uncomfortable, month-long Favre/Rodgers/Packers saga has come to an end. And I think I speak for all of us in saying that it couldn't have come a moment too soon.

Here's a video paying tribute to all the nonsense that ensued these past few weeks.

Barry Bonds Should Have Moved to Center Field During the Second Half of His Career

...in order to prevent injury.

Yeah, I know, that doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Then again, neither does what Ken Williams had to say in regards to playing his new acquistion, Ken Griffey Jr., in center field.

"Center field is actually the easiest of the outfield positions to play from a health perspective, " said Williams, who was a major league outfielder for six seasons. "I know that doesn’t sound right because you’ve got to go a lot of left and right, but trust me, it’s a little easier to play center field. [Instinctively, ] we feel he’s going to give us at least what we were getting out there. Remember, we didn’t have the prototypical guy out there in the first place; Swish did a heckuva job and he’ll continue to get some time out there, but he isn’t the prototypical guy that you can put out there, and you don’t have to be if you have good baseball instincts."

Few things:

-How is right or left easier than center field? Especially from a health perspective?? I really don’t get it. I’ve never heard anybody claim that before. Is it because you don’t have to worry about balls down the line coming off the wall? Or playing balls in the corner? I guess in those senses it may be true, but that doesn’t explain how it would be easier from a health perspective. Generally, the CF has to cover the most ground, with his position possessing the deepest part of the ballpark. Anytime you have to cover more ground it would seem to make it much more difficult. Idk. I just think that’s a weird thing to say. I mean, it’s not like you would move a corner outfielder to center field at the end of his career because his defense is deteriorating.
I guess the Braves really screwed over Dale Murphy by moving him to right field in 1987--which was easily the best offensive season of his career... Weird.

-Griffey is gonna give the Sox at least what they’re getting out there already? Swisher had so far posted a .926 RZR with 27 OOZ through 450 Innings. Good luck getting that same kind of production from Griffey.

-What does the prototypical center fielder look like? Juan Pierre? Should it even really matter what he looks like, as long as he gets the job done? Or is that too reasonable?

How a team anchored by this man and Ozzie Guillen ever won a World Series is beyond me.

Hey

Has anyone heard anything about Brett Favre lately? I haven't seen or heard anything on him lately and can't find any updates.

Feedback would be welcome.

Why Players Shouldn't be Trusted Reason No. 1

This is a player's poll from the August 4 issue of Sports Illustrated:

Which rookie has impressed you the most?
Based on a survey of 449 MLB players

Geovany Soto, Cubs C......21%
Evan Longoria, Rays 3B......16%
Edinson Volquez, Reds P......16%
Jacoby Ellsbury, Red Sox OF......12%
Jay Bruce, Reds OF......10%

Now, there are a few problems with this. Beyond just the idea of putting Jay Bruce and Jacoby Ellsbury (respective VORPs of 5.2 and 5.0) ahead of Mike Aviles (25.1), Jair Jurrjens (33.4), Jorge Campillo (33.2) or any other of the FIFTY SEVEN rookies with higher VORPs than them (14 position players),* there's a more glaring issue.

See, Edinson Volquez had 80 career innings pitched at the Major League level before this year. A player loses his rookie eligibility at 50.

What does this mean? It means that the players polled by Sports Illustrated determined that Edinson Volquez -- who is not a rookie -- is the second best rookie in all of baseball.

Athletes are awesome because they play sports very, very well. They understand a lot of what they need to do to do their job well, and they're athletically gifted. Too often, though, we decide this means they're a good choice to analyze the sport for us, and clearly this is a great example that they are not necessarily suited to do that. An athlete isn't necessarily paying enough attention to the sport nor do they necessarily have the understanding to analyze it on a major level.


*Yes, I'm aware I just totally ignored defense. Work with me here.